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Western Pennsylvania Mensa presents.... FATHER'S DAY

By Chris Sartori

Help! I've created a monster! My husband has been terrorizing every inch of greenery on our property…and it's all my fault. I got this bright idea to pique Dave's interest in the wonderful world of gardening (he does not have a green thumb). Well, everyone knows there's nothing like a new power tool to really get a guy into a hobby. So I talked it over with the girls and we bought him a gas-powered weed trimmer. Oh, you should've seen his eyes light up when they gave it to him for Father's Day. Dave was delighted beyond words. Internal combustion engines always do that to my man.

He immediately fired it up and trimmed the lawn around our fence. Next he did some beautiful edging along the sidewalk. After that, he decided to clip along my herbaceous border. That's when something snapped in him. Dave got this fiendish look on his face and snarled, "Here's Johnny!" Before I knew it, my Johnny Jump-ups were history. This devastating power over nature brought out the dark side of my spouse. He ran from my perennials to the Scotch pine, shouting, "Look, Honey! I'm trimming the Christmas tree!" The new growth from our evergreen flew all over the yard as he laughed hysterically. I desperately prayed the engine would stall as he held it in a horizontal position to get those top branches. No such luck.

Hurricane Dave's destruction continued. The herbicidal maniac took his trimmer and danced over to my vegetable garden. "I'll just trim off a little lettuce for a salad tonight." The weed trimmer touched down and within seconds my patch of mixed greens was pesto.

That's when I grabbed the crazy man's ankles. It was the only way to stop the madness. He came down with a thud in the zucchinis. I took the trimmer and ran. My neighbor Phil came to my aid, and together we yanked Dave's sparkplug. Next year my husband is getting a tie for Father's Day.

Reprinted from the June, 1999 issue of THE PHOENIX,
the monthly newsletter of Western Pennsylvania Mensa,
Tamara Wardell, editor.   Reprinted with permission.

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© 1999 Amby Duncan-Carr   and   Chris Sartori   All rights reserved.

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